I’m not big on putting my personal life out there for people to look at. I like a little anonymity with what goes on at home with the exception of some of the crazy kid shit that goes on. Privacy is nice and this is the internet after all. We all have our reasons for doing things and it drives me bug-shit crazy when I do something and it gets picked apart by other people. Yes I buy frozen spinach in the hopes that I will do something with it. I realize that the brick has been in the freezer now for three years but that doesn’t give you the right to bitch at me for wasting $1 three years ago.
Opinions are like assholes: everyone has them and many of them spew out ridiculous amounts of crap. I’m right in my heart and mind that the decisions I’ve made through the course of life are right for me. Now that I have the kiddo’s these decisions are weighed a lot more carefully and I base the major ones on how it affects them as well as me.
One decision made almost a year ago is one that a particular someone still thinks was wrong and selfish but the more time that goes by the more I realize that this person is completely wrong. But he’s entitled to feel that way. So this big ass rant comes to my mind this morning when I read an excerpt from J.Lo’s interview with Vanity Fair. I would rather read about what antics celebrities are up to rather than read about parents killing their kids, the debt ceiling, and our never ending quest to be the worlds Jehovah’s Witnesses. Anyway.
J. Lo said something that hit home for me. It was eloquent and summed up why I did what I did. "Sometimes we don't realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself – if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me." http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/08/jennifer-lopez-september-cover.html
At some point well over a year ago, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't be the person that someone I thought loved me no matter what wanted me to be. I was being asked to compromise myself to be who he wanted me to be. It wasn’t a selfish request on his part because I fully admit that I was asking him to compromise himself to fit into something I wanted him to be. Bottom line was that I left because we were both trying to get each other to be someone we weren’t and that’s not fucking fair.