How does that not go up your ass?

Two of FFB's kids are totally into wrestling. And by that I mean the oldest has a boy crush on the "U Can't See Me" dude. I really can't say that I blame him. I'm sorry but dude is JACKED and fucking hot. What else I find incredible is that there are all these jacked up guys running around in Speedo's playing grabass and at NO TIME do said speedo's ride up their ass or even move. I'm sorry, I can't walk three steps without having one side of my underwear slide off my ass cheek and into my crack. NOR do these guys show up with bruises and bumps the next day. Which I find a little hard to believe. Who do you know on this planet that can get tossed out of a wrestling ring into a folding table, get slammed in the back with a metal chair then picked up and spun around before being thrown at the announcers and not have a single mark on them during the next week's Monday Night Raw? Who? Tell me because really, if there is someone like that, they are aliens. FFB's dog put her paw on my leg and I wound up with bruises from her toenails. And what is with the oil and spray tan? I realize that the spray tan  makes you less reflective for the cameras and hides imperfections, but isn't it a little much? I equate oil and spray tan with a different kind of wrestling.